what the crap

i do not like reality

i liked my small little world of erie, pa

please take me back

no, but really

so, we won some freddy awards

and school's over

and chorale's already started

and now im the madame

and i got a 1310

and im going to erie for five weeks

will you miss me?

...well, its been over for a little while but of course i have no time to even diddle with myself let alone update, or even go online anymore. but i thought i might as well. so its over. no more worrying about hitting the high notes, no more stressing over the corset or the changes or the voice cracking or the hair curling, no more cockney accent or chemistry or killing or lighting or programs or posters or paint or curtains or kissing, no more men to bring on, no more new life to want, nomore someone like you to love, no more eyes to look into, god that's cheesy. but it's sad.thankyou soooo  much to everyone who was involved, you will never know how much of an impact you had on my life. i cant even begin to name everyone who ive met or grown closer to, or grown apart from, and who's helped me. everyone did. wow.       i wanna do it again!

anyway, so the show's over. yay yay yay it was really good. cant wait to hear from the freddys, but can at the same time because i know they're a bunch of crap. but still! cool thing: amsden asked me n liz to sing songs from the show at the pops concert tuesday night, very cool. dance team auditions monday, good luck to everyone, defn excited about next year. dance team this year was very fun. i made a lot more friends, we did way more, wona lot of trophies! jeez! very tough, very rewarding.

shakespear: STRESS MAJOR. oh my lordy. but i'm very optimistic, theres a lot a lot a lot of great stuff going on and its only been the first week. problem is, weve only got 3 left! eep! scary scary scary scary wow why did i time this oh so badly.

my sister graduates next year from penn state. so wierd. seems like she just started. im so glad were close now, i love her. and my brother is incredible. wow, again not enough words.

school is, well terrible. i hate worrying about school all the time, especialyl with so much going on. now les mis auditions, gov school, chorrale schedule, hopefully going to the beach in august, awagfuearhgaern lordy lordy im an old woman at 17

choir concert, bucks one act festival, pops concert, gala, prom, dance team, chorale performances, shakespeare! mayfair graduation SAT's SAT's SAT's ohhhh lordy

and my throat still hurts! augh!

but anyway im definitely feeling a lot better, although i have to poo again and my room is  a disaster as usual, i cant see my floor and havent done laudnry in a year, also havent been to work in a year and i owe my dad forty bucks, anywy, im so glad and GRATEFUL for everything, this year has been one rollercoaster after another. but jeeeez ive grown up and learned A TON about myself and other people and life and the world and wow, what a long way weve come and what a loooong way to go. but im excited.

and now im gonna go to the bathroom.

-me

i don't wanna be back in the real world.

i just had the best 5 days of my life, i met donald duck (among others including like 5 mickeys, goofy, aladdin and jasmine and the genie), sang its a small world after all in 37 languages, rode rockin rollercoaster, tower of terror, space mountain, went in the  big ball and the castle, haunted mansion, summit plummet (twice) watched explosions and fireworks and parades and dancing and singing and tarzan swinging from a vine and rollerbladers and gymnasts and the tree of life and got shrunken and went in a bugs life and indiana jones and tigers and elephants and chipwiches and cheese poofs and buffet eggs and british accents and chinese acrobats and hot acapella groups and we got a 94 which is a superior and a second place, huge trophy, only one point below the first placers, and everyone was really nice and its was beautiful weather and i got no sleep and kind of a tan and a million terrible pictures and flew in the clouds and transformed into a 5 year old girl and bought a mickey hat and doll and t shirt and snow globe and picture frame and pins and we got fun disney stuff free and made mr brady very proud and and and and and

and now i have 600 pounds of homework

and its humid

and the play is going up in a week

and merchant of venice is falling apart

and i have like, 700 lines to memorize

and none of my costumes fit

and people are idiots

and im sexually frustrated (still)

and no one cares how we did in florida

and im tired

and my feet hurt

and im a whiner

either way, it was the best 5 days of my life. i had never been to disney world before so, it was most definitely magical to me. i cried when i got off the bus in allentown and tried to get back on.

somebody hug me!

17 yr old single white female  who enjoys masterbation, singing, eating and making a mess, can juggle, drive stick, and do a pretty good rendition of the booty drop, enjoys SAT prep, tetris, watching CNN and other things of the nerdy sector as well as the art of easy mac, tuna sandwiches and crunchy peanut butter, takes way too many vitamins and is addicted to diet coke, generally wears the same hoodie and sweatpants every day and only listens to showtunes, VAST experience in the art of kissing and the like, carries way too much stuff and has trouble with arithmetic, enjoys reading and piggy back rides, brand new sharpened pencils and watching Sex and the City (Samantha is the fave character) goes to the bathroom way too often and is an EXPERT at crowded hallway maneuvering, IN SEARCH OF:

one penis.

that's all.

that's all i ask.

really.

how simple is that.

i'm that desperate.

i'll sacrifice good looks, a car, an IQ over 50.

i'll sacrifice a sense of humor, nice lips, a cute butt.

he can even say "gay" and i'll just give him dirty looks instead of yelling at him

that's a pretty big deal

i'll sacrifice a nice smile, strong hands, self-confidence and interest in learning and his future

hell, he can even be a jackass, that rule never holds up anyway

i'll give up all that

just for a penis.

how desperate am i

can you see the vultures circling?

"caw...caw..."

as i crawl and scratch my way across the arid terrain of the never ending desert, i feel the sun beating relentlessly upon me, i see a lone tumbleweed skip across the parched earth surrounding me....no cactus, not even a mirage.....and at night its cold....so cold.....

"water... .....water!!!"

you can imagine what that translates to